Office Phrases - new definitions.

Office Phrases - new definitions. [ office humor ]

Commonly Used Phrases at the Office and... What they really mean!

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1. For your information, please. (FYI)

Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.

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2. Noted and returned.

Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.

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3. Review and comment.

Meaning: Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.

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4. Action please.

Meaning: Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.

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5. For your necessary action.

Meaning: It's your headache now.

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6. Copy to.

Meaning: Here's a share of my headache.

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7. For your approval, please.

Meaning: Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.

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8. Action is being taken.

Meaning: Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.

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9. Your letter is receiving our attention.

Meaning: I am trying to figure out what you want.

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10. Please discuss.

Meaning: I don't know what the hell this is, so please brief me.

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11. For your immediate action.

Meaning: Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.

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12. Please reply soon.

Meaning: Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.

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13. We are investigating/ processing your request with the relevant authorities.

Meaning: They are causing the delay, not us.

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14. Regards.

Meaning: Thanks and bless you for reading all the crap.

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THINKING OUT OF THE BOX

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?

A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack!

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Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?

A. No time at all it is already built.

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Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?

A. Very large hands. (Good one)

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Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?

A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! An elephant with one hand.

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Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?

A. No Probs , He sleeps at night.

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Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?

A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.

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Q. What looks like half apple ?

A : The other half.

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Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ?

A : Lunch and Dinner.

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Q. What happened when wheel was invented ?

A : It caused a revolution.

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Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?

A : Liquid

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ONE EXTRA SHOT

Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question.

Think well before you make up your mind!" The boy thought for a while and said, "my choice is one really difficult question."

"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.

"What comes first, Day or Night?"

The boy was jolted into reality as his admission depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"

"How" the interviewer asked,

"Sorry Sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"

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Employee Rules and Regulations

*Dress Code*

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.

If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a raise.

If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore do not need a raise.


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*Sick Days*

We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness.

If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.


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*Personal Days*

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.


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*Toilet Use*

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.

At the end of the three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken.

After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders category".

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy!

You are allowed to use the rest room only thrice a day and you have to swipe in and out from the toilet doors also.


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*Lunch Break*

Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a slim fast.


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*Mails*

Don't read junk and forwarded mails.


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Thank you for your loyalty to our company.

We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,

all questions, comments,concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations and accusations should be directed elsewhere.

The Management.