Friday, May 30, 2008
How to write professional business letter
How to write professional business letter
Beginning the letter
The date line
Some offices show the standard date line near the body of the letter, ending at the right margin two spaces above the name of the addressee, which is written flush with the left margin. If the centered date line is chosen, it is placed two spaces below the letterhead as though it's part of the letterhead and centered exactly.
This is an effective and well-balanced look if the company name and address in the letterhead fall in the center. If the letterhead is spread out across the whole top of the page ending at the right margin, then the standard date line seems more graceful and more balanced. When paper without a letterhead is used, the date line must be standard and must be a part of the three-line heading. This consists of the address of the writer and the date of the letter:
1501 Guadalupe StAustin, Texas 87756May 27, 2005
Never place the name of the writer in the typewritten heading of the letter, for that belongs only at the end of the letter.
In typing the date line, never abbreviate the name of the month or use figures for it. Also, use numerals only for the day of the month; never add nd, d, rd, st, or th. These sounds are heard but are never written.
Wrong
Right
May 27th, 2005
May 27, 2005
June 22d, 2005
June 22, 2005
The inside address
The name and address of the addressee should be exactly as typed on the envelope. If a street address is long enough to require two lines, place the less important of the two above:
Student Union BuildingSchool of Fine Art Alva, Oklahoma 98997
If an individual in a company is addressed, show the individual's name (and title) with the company's name below that, single-spaced. If there is a long address that must be carried over to a second line, indent the second line three spaces:
Mr. Martin Rienstra, PresidentWoodgrove Bank and Mortgage Association1200 Market StreetSan Francisco, California 22351
Abbreviations Never abbreviate part of the company name unless the company's registered name uses an abbreviation (Co., Inc., or &), and such abbreviation is shown on the company's official letterhead.
Names of cities are never abbreviated; names of states are also never abbreviated. There is one exception: Use the official U.S. Postal Service postal state abbreviations on the envelope address.
Figures Figures are used for all house numbers except "one" (which is spelled out). If there is a numerical street number, separate the house number and street number by a dash:
3780–87 Street
Note that there's no th after "87."
"Care of" Never use an abbreviation such as a percentage mark for "care of"; always spell the words out. Never use "care of " before a hotel name if the addressee is a guest there, and never use it before a company name if the addressee is employed there. However, if the addressee is temporarily receiving mail at the office of the company, "care of " may be used before the company name:
Mr. Michael EmanuelCare of Contoso Pharmaceuticals60 Wall StreetNew York, New York 98052
Titles
An individual's name is always preceded by a title — for example, Mr., Ms., Mrs., Miss, Dr., or Col. It's permissible to place honorary initials after the name of an addressee; in that case, always omit the beginning title.
Wrong
Right
Dr. David J. Liu, Ph.D.
David J. Liu, Ph.D.
Reverend and Honorable are titles of respect and are preceded by the word "The." Mr. is omitted.
Wrong
Right
Rev. Andrew Dixon
The Rev. Andrew Dixon
Reverend Tim Litton
The Reverend Tim Litton
Women and men
In addressing a woman, it's useful to refer to previous correspondence from the individual to see whether she included a courtesy title when she typed or signed her name. If you have no previous correspondence, use these general guidelines:
Miss is used for an unmarried woman.
Mrs., with her husband's full name (if known), is used for a married woman or a widow; if a divorcée retains her married name, use Mrs. plus her own name, not her husband's.
Ms. is used in any of the above cases if the woman prefers it; it's also used if you do not know the woman's marital status or if you're addressing a divorcée who has resumed her maiden name.
Address a professional woman by her title, followed by her given and last name:
Dr. Patricia Doyle
Previous custom was to use Mr. as the title when the gender of the addressee was in doubt. Current custom, to avoid giving offense, is more likely to use the addressee's full name without a title in both the address and the salutation:
Dear Kern Sutton
However, if the letter has some importance, it's worth making a quick call to the other party to get the proper title. Simply say to whomever answers the telephone: "I'm addressing a letter to Kim Akers. Is that Mr. Akers or Ms.?" This can save you and your employer much embarrassment later on.
Business titles
Business titles are never abbreviated.
Wrong
Right
Mr. Justin Thorp, Sr. Ed.
Mr. Justin Thorp, Senior Editor
Ms. Marie Dubois, Asst. Mgr.
Ms. Marie Dubois, Assistant Manager
When you are writing to a person holding more than one office within a company, use the highest title unless you are replying to a specific letter signed by him or her under another title as applying to the subject covered. When you are writing to a department of a company, rather than to a person within the company, place the company name on the first line and the department on the second line:
A. Datum CorporationElectronics Department120 Irving MallIrving, Texas 10022
Attention line
An attention line refers the letter to the person or department in charge of the situation covered. The word Attention is followed by the name of the individual or department. Do not abbreviate the word Attention or follow it with a colon.
The attention line is placed two spaces below the last line of the name and address of the addressee, either flush with the left margin of the letter or in the center of the page when paragraphs are blocked. When paragraphs are indented, the attention line is placed in the center of the page.
The attention line is never used in a letter to an individual but only in a letter having a plural addressee, in which case the letter is written to the entire company and not to the person named on the attention line. The salutation must always agree (singular or plural) with the name of the addressee, not with the name on the attention line. For example:
Wide World Importers1500 Main StreetGreenville, Texas 00216Attention Mr. David JaffeGentlemen:
Salutation
The salutation is typed two spaces below the addressee's address or the attention line, flush with the left margin. The first word of the salutation begins with a capital, as does the name of the addressee. In business letters, the salutation is followed by a colon. In personal letters, the salutation is followed by a comma:
Dear Professor Keyser:
My Dear Mrs. Tiano:
Dear Jane,
Sometimes you'll be required to write a letter addressed to no particular person or firm (such as a letter of recommendation) ; then you will use capitals for the salutation:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
Subject line
The subject line of a letter is an informal way of categorizing or titling a letter. Many letters in business must begin with a subject line after the salutation, a valuable aid in the distribution of mail that also facilitates filing. The subject line can be centered, but when the paragraphs are blocked, it is flush with the left margin.
Do not show "Re" or "Subject" before the subject line. Underline the subject line, but if it occupies more than one line, underline only the bottom line, letting the line extend the length of the longest line in the subject.
Be sure to word the subject line so that it is helpful. If the letter is about an order of silk, a subject line reading simply "Silk" would contribute nothing. If, however, the subject line should read,
Silk Returned, Our Shipping Order 8939
the clerk opening the letter could promptly route it to the person within the organization best able to reply.
The body of the letter
With the body of the letter, first consider its appearance. You must judge how long the letter will be and how much space it will occupy in order to place it on the page as within a picture frame — never too high, never too low, always with proper side margins. If you create the letter with word processing software, you can add spaces to the top of the letter or change the page margins after you have written the letter.
The body of the letter should be brief and straightforward. The letter should have the same ease as a personal conversation. Although you must write whatever your boss dictates, many times while typing you can ease the language a bit to improve its impression on the reader; it's possible to do this with just a word or two more or less that won't call attention to any change. It's your responsibility to see that the letter going forth is creditable in every way to your employer's interests.
The length of the letter should be in accordance with its importance. If too short, the letter may have a curt tone and may seem to slight the recipient. If the letter is too long, the recipient's attention may wander after the first page, and he or she may not read the letter in its entirety.
Closing the letter
Complimentary close
When the salutation has been Dear Sir or My Dear Sir, the complimentary closing can be Yours truly or Very truly yours; no personal connection exists between the writer and the recipient.
Sincerely or Sincerely yours is appropriate when there is an established personal as well as a business relationship, but it is used only in letters to individuals, never to a company. Respectfully yours appears only on letters addressed to a person of acknowledged authority or in letters of great formality.
Avoid the use of such complimentary closes as Yours for lower prices or I remain and other hanging phrases. Cordially yours is not suitable in a business letter. It is often used but used incorrectly as it is too familiar for business. Avoid it.
The signature
If in the body of the letter the writer has referred to "we," "us," or "ours," the company, and not an individual in the company, is writing the letter. Consequently the signature would then consist of the typed name of the company under the complimentary close, the space for the writer's signature, and the typed name of the writer with his or her title. The whole signature is typed in block form beginning under the first letter of the complimentary close. In some blocked paragraph letters the complimentary close begins at the left margin; then the signature also begins at the left margin.
Very truly yours,Tailspin ToysDiane Tibbott, President
Never put a line for the writer's signature. This is a superfluous and old-fashioned practice.
When the writer has referred within the letter to "I," "me," "my," or "mine," this means that he or she, not the company, is writing the letter. Therefore the writer's name is typed with his or her title, omitting the company name entirely.
Very truly yours,Karen Archer, President
A woman should include a courtesy title in her typed signature so as to allow the recipient of the letter to reply appropriately. Parentheses may be used:
(Miss) Debra Jean Hawley
Ms. Amaya Hernández-Echevarrí a
Mrs. Nancy Anderson
The courtesy title is blocked with the complimentary close, not extended to the left of it. For a married woman, the signature may consist of either the woman's first name and her surname or her husband's name preceded by Mrs. (no parentheses) .
Sincerely yours,Carol Philips
A widow may sign as though her husband were living. A divorced woman no longer uses the given name or initial of her former husband. She may use whatever courtesy title she wishes, whether or not she keeps her married surname.
Other elements
Reference initials
It's no longer considered necessary to type reference initials (the initials of the letter writer and the typist). However, if the company requires identification of this kind for the files, show these on the file copy only, not the original. The writer's initials are typed in capitals, the typist's in lowercase. To separate the two, use a colon or a slash. Many companies require only the typist's initials, since the writer is obvious from the signature of the letter.
When using a word processor, write the initials or name of the person dictating the letter on the office file copy.
Enclosures
Mention of enclosures should be placed two lines below the reference initials. It may seem to serve no purpose to add 2 encs if the body of the letter mentions the enclosure of two papers. However, the mailing department may find this notation helpful to sort outgoing mail. In addition, as the recipient of such mail, this helps you keep the contents of letters together as you prepare to distribute them without having to read every line.
Postscript
Sometimes the letter writer will take advantage of the postscript — following the initials, P.S., two spaces below the signature or reference initials — to dramatize some bit of information. Never use the postscript to add something that was forgotten during the writing of the letter. Instead, rewrite the letter.
A last look
Before you consider the letter finished, decide if it looks like a picture on the page; that is, have you centered the whole thing? Ask yourself: If you received this letter, would you be favorably impressed? Now check your grammar, spelling, and punctuation again.
A business letter should be folded neatly and precisely. The side edges must match, the typing inside the folds must seem to be protected, and only the fewest folds for the perfect fit into the envelope must be used. Upon taking the letter from the envelope, the recipient should be able to begin reading the letter immediately and should find it attractive. Remember that this is the reader's first impression of your organization.
Beginning the letter
The date line
Some offices show the standard date line near the body of the letter, ending at the right margin two spaces above the name of the addressee, which is written flush with the left margin. If the centered date line is chosen, it is placed two spaces below the letterhead as though it's part of the letterhead and centered exactly.
This is an effective and well-balanced look if the company name and address in the letterhead fall in the center. If the letterhead is spread out across the whole top of the page ending at the right margin, then the standard date line seems more graceful and more balanced. When paper without a letterhead is used, the date line must be standard and must be a part of the three-line heading. This consists of the address of the writer and the date of the letter:
1501 Guadalupe StAustin, Texas 87756May 27, 2005
Never place the name of the writer in the typewritten heading of the letter, for that belongs only at the end of the letter.
In typing the date line, never abbreviate the name of the month or use figures for it. Also, use numerals only for the day of the month; never add nd, d, rd, st, or th. These sounds are heard but are never written.
Wrong
Right
May 27th, 2005
May 27, 2005
June 22d, 2005
June 22, 2005
The inside address
The name and address of the addressee should be exactly as typed on the envelope. If a street address is long enough to require two lines, place the less important of the two above:
Student Union BuildingSchool of Fine Art Alva, Oklahoma 98997
If an individual in a company is addressed, show the individual's name (and title) with the company's name below that, single-spaced. If there is a long address that must be carried over to a second line, indent the second line three spaces:
Mr. Martin Rienstra, PresidentWoodgrove Bank and Mortgage Association1200 Market StreetSan Francisco, California 22351
Abbreviations Never abbreviate part of the company name unless the company's registered name uses an abbreviation (Co., Inc., or &), and such abbreviation is shown on the company's official letterhead.
Names of cities are never abbreviated; names of states are also never abbreviated. There is one exception: Use the official U.S. Postal Service postal state abbreviations on the envelope address.
Figures Figures are used for all house numbers except "one" (which is spelled out). If there is a numerical street number, separate the house number and street number by a dash:
3780–87 Street
Note that there's no th after "87."
"Care of" Never use an abbreviation such as a percentage mark for "care of"; always spell the words out. Never use "care of " before a hotel name if the addressee is a guest there, and never use it before a company name if the addressee is employed there. However, if the addressee is temporarily receiving mail at the office of the company, "care of " may be used before the company name:
Mr. Michael EmanuelCare of Contoso Pharmaceuticals60 Wall StreetNew York, New York 98052
Titles
An individual's name is always preceded by a title — for example, Mr., Ms., Mrs., Miss, Dr., or Col. It's permissible to place honorary initials after the name of an addressee; in that case, always omit the beginning title.
Wrong
Right
Dr. David J. Liu, Ph.D.
David J. Liu, Ph.D.
Reverend and Honorable are titles of respect and are preceded by the word "The." Mr. is omitted.
Wrong
Right
Rev. Andrew Dixon
The Rev. Andrew Dixon
Reverend Tim Litton
The Reverend Tim Litton
Women and men
In addressing a woman, it's useful to refer to previous correspondence from the individual to see whether she included a courtesy title when she typed or signed her name. If you have no previous correspondence, use these general guidelines:
Miss is used for an unmarried woman.
Mrs., with her husband's full name (if known), is used for a married woman or a widow; if a divorcée retains her married name, use Mrs. plus her own name, not her husband's.
Ms. is used in any of the above cases if the woman prefers it; it's also used if you do not know the woman's marital status or if you're addressing a divorcée who has resumed her maiden name.
Address a professional woman by her title, followed by her given and last name:
Dr. Patricia Doyle
Previous custom was to use Mr. as the title when the gender of the addressee was in doubt. Current custom, to avoid giving offense, is more likely to use the addressee's full name without a title in both the address and the salutation:
Dear Kern Sutton
However, if the letter has some importance, it's worth making a quick call to the other party to get the proper title. Simply say to whomever answers the telephone: "I'm addressing a letter to Kim Akers. Is that Mr. Akers or Ms.?" This can save you and your employer much embarrassment later on.
Business titles
Business titles are never abbreviated.
Wrong
Right
Mr. Justin Thorp, Sr. Ed.
Mr. Justin Thorp, Senior Editor
Ms. Marie Dubois, Asst. Mgr.
Ms. Marie Dubois, Assistant Manager
When you are writing to a person holding more than one office within a company, use the highest title unless you are replying to a specific letter signed by him or her under another title as applying to the subject covered. When you are writing to a department of a company, rather than to a person within the company, place the company name on the first line and the department on the second line:
A. Datum CorporationElectronics Department120 Irving MallIrving, Texas 10022
Attention line
An attention line refers the letter to the person or department in charge of the situation covered. The word Attention is followed by the name of the individual or department. Do not abbreviate the word Attention or follow it with a colon.
The attention line is placed two spaces below the last line of the name and address of the addressee, either flush with the left margin of the letter or in the center of the page when paragraphs are blocked. When paragraphs are indented, the attention line is placed in the center of the page.
The attention line is never used in a letter to an individual but only in a letter having a plural addressee, in which case the letter is written to the entire company and not to the person named on the attention line. The salutation must always agree (singular or plural) with the name of the addressee, not with the name on the attention line. For example:
Wide World Importers1500 Main StreetGreenville, Texas 00216Attention Mr. David JaffeGentlemen:
Salutation
The salutation is typed two spaces below the addressee's address or the attention line, flush with the left margin. The first word of the salutation begins with a capital, as does the name of the addressee. In business letters, the salutation is followed by a colon. In personal letters, the salutation is followed by a comma:
Dear Professor Keyser:
My Dear Mrs. Tiano:
Dear Jane,
Sometimes you'll be required to write a letter addressed to no particular person or firm (such as a letter of recommendation) ; then you will use capitals for the salutation:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
Subject line
The subject line of a letter is an informal way of categorizing or titling a letter. Many letters in business must begin with a subject line after the salutation, a valuable aid in the distribution of mail that also facilitates filing. The subject line can be centered, but when the paragraphs are blocked, it is flush with the left margin.
Do not show "Re" or "Subject" before the subject line. Underline the subject line, but if it occupies more than one line, underline only the bottom line, letting the line extend the length of the longest line in the subject.
Be sure to word the subject line so that it is helpful. If the letter is about an order of silk, a subject line reading simply "Silk" would contribute nothing. If, however, the subject line should read,
Silk Returned, Our Shipping Order 8939
the clerk opening the letter could promptly route it to the person within the organization best able to reply.
The body of the letter
With the body of the letter, first consider its appearance. You must judge how long the letter will be and how much space it will occupy in order to place it on the page as within a picture frame — never too high, never too low, always with proper side margins. If you create the letter with word processing software, you can add spaces to the top of the letter or change the page margins after you have written the letter.
The body of the letter should be brief and straightforward. The letter should have the same ease as a personal conversation. Although you must write whatever your boss dictates, many times while typing you can ease the language a bit to improve its impression on the reader; it's possible to do this with just a word or two more or less that won't call attention to any change. It's your responsibility to see that the letter going forth is creditable in every way to your employer's interests.
The length of the letter should be in accordance with its importance. If too short, the letter may have a curt tone and may seem to slight the recipient. If the letter is too long, the recipient's attention may wander after the first page, and he or she may not read the letter in its entirety.
Closing the letter
Complimentary close
When the salutation has been Dear Sir or My Dear Sir, the complimentary closing can be Yours truly or Very truly yours; no personal connection exists between the writer and the recipient.
Sincerely or Sincerely yours is appropriate when there is an established personal as well as a business relationship, but it is used only in letters to individuals, never to a company. Respectfully yours appears only on letters addressed to a person of acknowledged authority or in letters of great formality.
Avoid the use of such complimentary closes as Yours for lower prices or I remain and other hanging phrases. Cordially yours is not suitable in a business letter. It is often used but used incorrectly as it is too familiar for business. Avoid it.
The signature
If in the body of the letter the writer has referred to "we," "us," or "ours," the company, and not an individual in the company, is writing the letter. Consequently the signature would then consist of the typed name of the company under the complimentary close, the space for the writer's signature, and the typed name of the writer with his or her title. The whole signature is typed in block form beginning under the first letter of the complimentary close. In some blocked paragraph letters the complimentary close begins at the left margin; then the signature also begins at the left margin.
Very truly yours,Tailspin ToysDiane Tibbott, President
Never put a line for the writer's signature. This is a superfluous and old-fashioned practice.
When the writer has referred within the letter to "I," "me," "my," or "mine," this means that he or she, not the company, is writing the letter. Therefore the writer's name is typed with his or her title, omitting the company name entirely.
Very truly yours,Karen Archer, President
A woman should include a courtesy title in her typed signature so as to allow the recipient of the letter to reply appropriately. Parentheses may be used:
(Miss) Debra Jean Hawley
Ms. Amaya Hernández-Echevarrí a
Mrs. Nancy Anderson
The courtesy title is blocked with the complimentary close, not extended to the left of it. For a married woman, the signature may consist of either the woman's first name and her surname or her husband's name preceded by Mrs. (no parentheses) .
Sincerely yours,Carol Philips
A widow may sign as though her husband were living. A divorced woman no longer uses the given name or initial of her former husband. She may use whatever courtesy title she wishes, whether or not she keeps her married surname.
Other elements
Reference initials
It's no longer considered necessary to type reference initials (the initials of the letter writer and the typist). However, if the company requires identification of this kind for the files, show these on the file copy only, not the original. The writer's initials are typed in capitals, the typist's in lowercase. To separate the two, use a colon or a slash. Many companies require only the typist's initials, since the writer is obvious from the signature of the letter.
When using a word processor, write the initials or name of the person dictating the letter on the office file copy.
Enclosures
Mention of enclosures should be placed two lines below the reference initials. It may seem to serve no purpose to add 2 encs if the body of the letter mentions the enclosure of two papers. However, the mailing department may find this notation helpful to sort outgoing mail. In addition, as the recipient of such mail, this helps you keep the contents of letters together as you prepare to distribute them without having to read every line.
Postscript
Sometimes the letter writer will take advantage of the postscript — following the initials, P.S., two spaces below the signature or reference initials — to dramatize some bit of information. Never use the postscript to add something that was forgotten during the writing of the letter. Instead, rewrite the letter.
A last look
Before you consider the letter finished, decide if it looks like a picture on the page; that is, have you centered the whole thing? Ask yourself: If you received this letter, would you be favorably impressed? Now check your grammar, spelling, and punctuation again.
A business letter should be folded neatly and precisely. The side edges must match, the typing inside the folds must seem to be protected, and only the fewest folds for the perfect fit into the envelope must be used. Upon taking the letter from the envelope, the recipient should be able to begin reading the letter immediately and should find it attractive. Remember that this is the reader's first impression of your organization.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT LESSONS
Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, " After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
*********
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
*********
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
*********
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure , why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
*********
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
*********
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter.It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of this story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, " After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
*********
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129 It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
*********
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story
Always let your boss have the first say.
*********
Lesson 4:
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure , why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
*********
Lesson 5:
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey,"but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
*********
Lesson 6:
A little bird was flying south for the Winter.It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of this story
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
